"Layers of Self"

The true lover yearneth for tribulation even as doth
the rebel for forgiveness and the sinful for mercy

Very few really cared to get to know me IRL.
They forget who the person is from the start of the union,
for it is that they don't know or haven't confronted themselves
in a greater capacity that causes them to not see the other for
who they are, and not remember who they are. I don't feel
anyone has truly seen me for who i am and embraced that.

The true lover yearneth for tribulation..

You know you have been there when you can understand
the other person based on the work you have done on
yourself. I have yet to find that someone but I am tired 
of searching.

(Below originally Posted March 08-09)

~:~ Letters and messages ~:~

....you know i just finished watching the last episode of The Wonder Years..
I found them all and saved them to my comp. All 40 hours of Kevin Arnold
growing up.. I saw the great perspective of a life lived.


I have been thinking about who i am, why and how i was growing up,
how i came to be. well there is still much to discover and see..  but i can only be me.


We have to find who we are -through- our attachments, through our
afflictions and through our distractions.


I watched Kevin Arnold grow up from 12 to 17 on this show when i was that age.
and saw it all over again in the last month with so much reflection on the past..



And as I look ahead, I see a mist, and beyond that, a heavy fog..
...I know that I need to remember.. and to find my roots, once again.


What can a flame remember? If it remembers a little

less than is necessary, it goes out; if it remembers a

little more than is necessary, it goes out. If only it

could teach us, while it burns, to remember correctly.

George Seferis, "Stratis the Sailor Describes a Man" 

The true lover yearneth for tribulation
~ The Hidden Words

:Searching for our roots:

My soul is stirred in a land of cars and trees, cites and caves..

i feel lost in a cave at times.
Maybe i choose to retreat there.
Maybe i dream of this and feel it in waking
life. But.. i don't always hear my voice.

Maybe it's a cave of safety. And though there's

darkness all around, i light a fire, and say a prayer, and

speak mine own hearts inner songs and poems.

And I feel that this is home for now.

~:~And to the ones that accompany me~:~

Thank you

You been there

You have been there

We all lost the love in a marriage of souls
that were destined for better things

Under a different sun

Just know,

*You* create visions of splendor in me
If there was something else on my mind,
it was the blissful presence you bring.

~ Taráz Afra Sohar

The End